Wanted: A Woman To Flyfish With

One day as I was hiking out from one of my favorite lakes, I met up with a couple of fellows that were hiking in. They were surprised to see a woman on the trail, especially a woman alone with a float tube on her back and a fly rod in her hand. "Boy, I sure do wish my wife liked to fish and would come out here with me", one of them remarked. The other expressed similar regrets with respect to his current girlfriend. "Why haven't we been able to convince them that fly fishing is such a great sport", they asked?

Well, the answer to that question is one that a lot of guys would like to have. They very much want the woman in their life to go fishing with them, but just can't seem to get her to do it. The reasons why they can't are varied.

Many of the women who come to my fly fishing classes and schools tell me that the man in their life has tried to teach them to fly fish, has taken them fishing, and even has bought them lots of the newest and best equipment on the market. And yet, they have not taken up the sport. In most cases that turns out to be because they want a woman-focused approach to learning this new sport and these new skills.

The lack of success that many men have had in teaching the woman in their life how to flyfish had resulted from the fact that they simply didn't teach the way women learn. "Oh, is that what my husband/boyfriend was trying to tell me," is a comment that I hear often during my classes. Men's and women's communication styles aren't better or worse than each others, just different. If you don't believe it, just read Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus.

Men often have a bent toward technical explanations or sports metaphors that women just don't relate to. When such an approach doesn't click with the woman, impatience sets in. Both the overly technical approach and the impatience result in women giving up, deciding they just can't do it, or just refusing to participate. "Do I have to learn all that x stuff in order to fly fish," one woman asked me. Obviously, she'd been overwhelmed with explanations of tippet diameters and hook shank lengths, when all she wanted was to learn to cast a fly rod.

Unfortunately, many women react to men's explanations or impatience by turning off to the whole idea of flyfishing. They actually believe that the sport is too technical or to difficult for them to learn. But women who learn to flyfish in their own way and in women led classes usually come to realize that it is very much a women's sport. They perceive that it's a matter of eye hand coordination, that it is artistic rather than technical, and that is more the result of graceful, fluid motions than of physical strength.

The reaction to impatience was really brought home to me one day when a woman called inquiring about my classes. "I have a question to ask you before I sign up," she said. I asked what the question was, and after a long hesitation she said softly, "do you holler at people?" It was pretty evident how the guy in her life had reacted when trying to teach her!

Besides the technical or impatient approach, there is another mistake that guys seem to make when trying to get the woman in their life to fly fish. In the interests of being helpful, the man ends up making the woman totally dependent on him while they are fishing. "I couldn't tie on my own fly, or repair my own tippet," one of my students remarked. "My husband had to do it for me. And, when I asked him to teach me, he tried once, and then said it was just easier to do it himself." Obviously, this woman was unable to take care of herself on the water, and actually became a burden on her husband, something neither of them preferred.

But, it isn't a matter of suggesting that guys be more patient, or that they lay off the technical stuff at the beginning, or even that they help the woman become an independent angler. It's more a matter of helping that woman get started in a way that is comfortable and supportive and where she isn't afraid to ask "dumb" questions. And, usually, a women's class offers just that environment.

Couples Fishing Together

Lots of men are encouraging women to learn to flyfish from another woman now that such resources exist. He decides to give the woman in his life a fly fishing class or school for a birthday or Christmas gift to let her know how much he wants them to fish together. She gets the message and almost always takes him up on it.

But, a woman shouldn't flyfish just because her husband or partner enjoys it. Chances are that when she has learned with other women she'll have developed her own fly fishing style and preferences, and will become a great new fishing partner. Couples should fish together because it's fun for both of them and because it's a way to savor their companionship in a different setting. But both partners need to be comfortable and able to enjoy the sport in their own way. And most of all, guys should remember that when the gal outfishes him, he asked for it.

Cecilia "Pudge" Kleinkauf, Owner of Women's Flyfishing®